I can’t stop thinking about the latest transphobic ad.

It’s not the transphobia. It’s not how it rubs in that I don’t get periods, have no ovaries, and can never have kids. It’s not quite even the discussion about trans-versus-drag that some try to bring up.

Well, it’s kind of that. But not really.

Really, it’s that it’s a short story with major flaws. How can I resist rewriting it?

And what’s the biggest flaw? Well, most people don’t know the difference between a man in drag and a trans woman.

What if the story could enlighten them?

The Script

A MAN and a WOMAN approach the mirror. They start putting on makeup. Eyelashes. Lipstick.

The woman searches through her purse. She can’t find what she’s looking for.

The man pulls out a tampon from his own purse and offers it to her.

The woman cringes. “Thanks, but… I’m transgender. No periods.” (quieter, bitter) “No babies.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry! That’s so sad…”

“You didn’t know…”

It’s still got issues… I’m not up on etiquette, but personally, I’d be a little freaked out if someone offered me a tampon, for a multitude of reasons. A dude in the ladies’ restroom (one in drag notwithstanding) might freak me out even more.

Still, I think it is far more perfect than the ad that aired, even though I’m missing the ending.

You know, the part that sells the product. I’m not too inclined to write it, though. I don’t want to sell this product.

An Aside

I have negative attitudes towards men in drag. I don’t understand it, and too often—partially due to people’s confusion of drag and trans—feel attacked by it.

Is this normal? Appropriate? Inappropriate?

In any case, I tried to keep that bias out of this writing.

Is gender something I have? Or, is gender something I do? Or is a gender a group to which I belong?

It depends on who you ask. There are so many definitions.

Perhaps we are born with a gender that, if we’re lucky, matches the gender role which we will express with our gender expression. Gender identity is a superfluous term, as it just means gender.

Or, perhaps we are born with gender identities, that, if we’re lucky, matches the gender we’re expected to do (gender, here, being a verb, as taught to me in my women’s studies classes).

Or maybe we belong to a gender, which has society-given gender roles, which we want to conform to (as humans always yearn to conform), through gender expression.

Or, is gender in itself the set of societal roles and expected behaviors? In which case, gender role is the superfluous term.

Often, the differences in definitions are even much subtler than these.

Yet, so many conflicts can go back and forth forever due to simple difference of definitions for terms. They’ll fight and fight, until they finally realize they’ve been saying the same thing, just in different languages.

Or else, they give up.

transadrian:

The supposed morally superior, fighting against injustice camp is always the most ready to be cruel and intolerant not just to me personally, but to other Trans* people too?

MtFs are just men who objectify women? FtMs are just butch lesbians who hate their bodies?

Not all feminists. Pretty sure it’s a very small minority.

And often, they almost seem antifeminist… so I’m not sure they are actually feminists, even if they call themselves such.

(Source: adrianiam)

I’m never sure if my inclination to dislike single-sex groups is due to a dislike of discrimination of any form (even when it makes some technical or practical sense), or because I feel excluded from groups to which I feel I belong.

Will I, after transitioning, grow to appreciate them?

“Am I attracted to girls?” I ask myself, fearfully.

“And why am I afraid of that?” I respond, uncertainly.

Do I have internalized homophobia coming to play? A fear of being even less “normal?” An internalized transphobic image of the man-in-women’s-clothing attracted to women?

You can say “I can’t be transphobic! I have lots of trans friends!”

You can say the same about homophobia, about racism, about pretty much anything. But the second sentence is unrelated to the first.

How do I know?

I am trans, and I am transphobic.

Not a lot, but—from time to time—a little. There are some internalized negative attitudes I do my best to fight.

I’ve read that line several times, but it doesn’t make sense. What’s XXY, then? And is an XY born with a female body still male?

Society adds a lot of meaning to body parts, but really, they don’t matter at all. Bodies are bodies.

I just need a vagina because the penis makes no sense.

Sure, you could argue that trans women are just gay men in an Egyptian river, or that trans men are denying their true nature as lesbian women.

Sure, the opposite could be argued just as easily: that gay men are just women and lesbian women are really men.

Sure, painting with such a broad brush completely fails to address the trans lesbian women and the trans gay men, but since when has logic stopped anyone?

Admitting the possibility that perhaps—just maybe—gender identity and sexual orientation are different things is just too simple, logical, and elegant.

Best stay away from that.

If I was ever accused of PMS for “[telling] someone to RTFM,” I’d probably respond:

For me, that’s technically impossible. Thanks for the reminder.

Forget the misogyny (though that’s bad enough). I don’t need my lack of ovaries rubbed in.

(Source: geekfeminism.wikia.com)